Tag Archives: purpose for our lives

In Honor of Grandsons – 2

It’s been way too long.

I’ve been writing short stories lately – two for an anthology by the Houston chapter of the American Christian Fiction Writers. That was a contest, and my two stories were finalists and chosen to be published in the anthology. That should come out in February, 2016.

I also wrote two short stories (and a third on the way) for an anthology by Jodie Renner, to raise money to help rescue children from child labor in Asia.

And then I’ve written two short stories for grandchildren. I’m finding that to be one of the most rewarding of writing experiences. One was written before the last post for Brooklyn. And the other I just finished and delivered within the past week, for Ethan, the newest addition to the grandchildren.

Ethan is the first child of our second son, Brad, and his wife, Jaymie. We visited them earlier this week in Charlotte, North Carolina. Ethan is a handsome little man. He has dark hair, like his mom, and lots of it. While we were there he spent most of his time eating and sleeping. And he likes to be held. So our special time was holding him while he slept. Such a sweetie. He’s only about 4 weeks old, so we are excited to see how he will interact with us when he is older.

We have one other grandson, Leighton. And he just turned three. In fact, Leighton’s and Ethan’s birthdays are 12 days apart. I’ve written about Leighton in a previous post. And he’s changing quickly with each month. Now wearing glasses, he looks like a little professor. When he was younger, he was so quiet. Now he talks constantly. Wow, he’s changing.

So why do granddads get so excited about grandsons?

I came up with the following reasons:

  1. We see them as the future of our family.
  2. They give us hope that we can start them off in the right direction.
  3. We want to help them avoid the mistakes we made.
  4. We want to avoid the mistakes of grandparenting that we made with parenting.
  5. We can enjoy being with them instead of worrying like a new parent.
  6. We see in them a legacy for the future.
  7. We hope that they can achieve that which we failed to achieve.
  8. They make what we worked for, saved, and built worthwhile. Now we can share it with them.
  9. When they’re young, we get to enjoy the age of innocence all over again.
  10. They remind us of when our children were young.
  11. They will actually listen to us, and hopefully learn from us.
  12. They’re not judgmental.
  13. They’re excited about spending time with us.
  14. And yes…we get to spoil them and send them home.

They are a hope for the future. Enjoy them while you can.

Loss of Parents

Out of the Storm

A new book, Out of the Storm, was published about a week ago. It’s an anthology of short stories, winners in a short story competition hosted by a Texas chapter of the American Christian Fiction Writers and HopeSprings Books. I have a short story in that book, “A Rumspringa Storm.”

I received my box of books three days ago. There’s something special about seeing the first book you have published and holding it in your hands. In this case I had written only one of the stories. But it’s still exciting. I won’t be making any money from the sale of the book. The proceeds will go to a scholarship fund for the American Christian Fiction Writers. It feels good.

As I thought about the significance of the book and its title, I realized that I’m coming out of a storm of my own. Over the past two years my family has been through one crisis after another. My mother died in April of 2013, and my father died last month. My father had dementia and was in the nursing home while my mother died with cancer. Over the last two years my father’s dementia had slowly robbed him of any dignity and all of his memory. His Parkinson’s disease had slowly worsened to the point that he could barely feed himself. He’s in a better place now. That’s where he wanted to be. He’s with God. And he’s with Mom.

As I think back over the last two years and my life during that time, I remember how turbulent it was. Mom’s unexpected diagnosis of colon cancer, then her quick descent and early death. Family issues and conflict that always seem to strain family ties. Then problems with Dad’s health at any hour of the day or night. Phone calls during vacations. Always wondering what would pop up next. And then watching him die with complications of influenza and pneumonia, knowing there was nothing we could do.

Now there is an empty feeling, a calm after the storm. But it is unsettling. All of the connections to the past are gone with Mom and Dad gone. It feels like a space with no landmarks, disorienting. Which way do we go? Where are we, even? What do we do next?

Conflict with family will continue…for awhile. Time for things set aside in the past couple years will return. Life will go on. But an emptiness will persist in my heart.

God’s presence is needed now more than ever. And His promise to never leave us is the foundation I depend on.

I’m sad that neither my mother nor my father lived to see my first published book. My next book, Mark of the Fire, is dedicated to Dad and uses the theme that was his favorite Bible passage to recite: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I now realize my father gave me the advice I needed for this period of my life. The storm is over. Now what? I hear a voice telling me, “Trust the Lord to guide your path. You are now out of the storm.”

Take a Break

It’s been too long. I’ve been taking a break. My excuse: It’s been the Christmas – New Years break. I didn’t actually have any time off in the office, other than December 25th and January 1st. But it’s time to take a break anyway.

We all need a change of pace occasionally, time to get off the squirrel cage, time to slow down, time to recharge the battery.

With New Years Day comes talk of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t make those anymore. They all get broken. But my wife and I have agreed to set aside time during an upcoming vacation to discuss where we are and where we want to go – a time to reflect.

January should be a time for life planning. We get so caught up in the urgent that we neglect the important. We forget what plans we had already made. It’s time to reflect and start over.

Where are we now? Where do we want to be? What direction do we seem to be heading? Is that what we want? Where do we think God wants us to be? Are we working to achieving that goal? Is it time to “repurpose” our life?

This isn’t original with me, but I highly recommend the following:

  1. Set aside a time for this purpose.
  2. Get away from your normal setting.
  3. Do this with your life partner, if you have one. What a great time for a brainstorming date.
  4. Prepare yourself by reading or rereading books that have inspired you in the past. Find new ones that will help you plan for the future.
  5. Write down your decisions – achievable goals, plans, a path to get there.
  6. Put your written plan someplace you will see it everyday.
  7. Review it regularly and make changes as appropriate.

Now get out there and take control of where you are and where you’re going. And let us know about what you’ve changed, what successes you’ve had.

Finding Your Plexus

When you look at the empty hammock above, you see that I’m not in my plexus…not yet. I’m working at it. And we all have to work at it. The natural tendency is for our lives to flow downstream, along the path of least resistance. And if we strive to arrange our lives into a plexus of our making, we will get resistance.

My mother died a year ago, and what I write next, I do so with all respect. But my mother knew how to pull my strings. She could make me feel guilty to manipulate my behavior. Every time I visited her she had a list of things for me to do. And if I didn’t do them, I felt guilty. I don’t know why she could do that to me better than anyone else, but she could. Maybe it had something to do with training me from an infant.

Anyway, after I read BOUNDARIES, I offered her my copy for her to read. I wondered how she would take it. Would she recognize her ability to control others? Would she be offended? I returned the next week to visit. I couldn’t wait to hear her thoughts on the book. She slid it across the table to me, the page marker indicating she had read very little. The only thing she said was, “Who ever gave you that book in the first place?”

She recognized that I was trying to establish boundaries. That did not suit her purposes. I never did establish boundaries with my mother. And most of the people in your life who wish to invade your boundaries will not be happy when you try to establish them, either. So the path of least resistance is to become the tortured on the rack.

It takes work to find your plexus. It takes work to make it happen. It may take a lifetime. We’ll discuss in future posts how we go about determining what our plexus should be. In the meantime, what are your dreams for your life? How do they align with your talents, with the gifts that God has given you? How would you use that dream life, your plexus, to serve God and His children?